Another day, another miscarriage

This month I was supposed to keep an eye on my ovulation dates and use them to avoid a pregnancy. Because I’m stingy with my OPKS I didn’t test until Day 11 and consequently missed it. I realised this (too late) because my LH line got stronger as my oestrogen line faded. It didn’t dawn on me that I could be pregnant until I started having really strong pregnancy symptoms. I was due to see my consultant on Tuesday so I decided to test a few days early to rule out being pregnant. Two lines appeared! I couldn’t believe it.

In light of the news my doctor agreed to commence me on Prednisolone which I started taking straight away. That night I woke at 4 am with the dreaded night sweats that I get before I start bleeding & no sore boobs. I ignored it but my symptoms all began to disappear so this morning I decided to take another test, expecting a stronger line. Nothing. Negative. Not pregnant. Stupid girl!

I am so tired. I’m exhausted from dealing with a mountain of emotions ranging between excited, delighted, concerned, devastated, angry & frustrated. I no longer have it in me not to be gutted when I see a pregnant woman.

The Awful Colleague has sent in another photo – this time of her with the baby – which has been placed above my desk. Who puts these f***ing things there?! I got the first one moved. I can’t move this one too. Even my close colleagues agree it would look bad if I moved it. So she continues to be in my face even in her absence.

I’m hoping to move forward with things more quickly now. My husband should get a DNA fragmentation analysis completed within the next few weeks (£400 – cheap at twice the price if it gives us some answers) & hopefully we can move to IVF. If it’s the DNA fragmentation then we should be eligible for ICSI which chooses a good sperm to match with an egg. I don’t want to think about if it’s not. I’m running out of options.