One door closes . . .

So last week I felt pretty sorry for myself … until I visited my herbalist.  For all her wacky ways she has a way of making me feel much better.  She pointed out that I’m on high doses of hormones and I’ve been on and off steroids for the last few months.  She was impressed that I’ve been managing at all!  Her additional take on this is that I’ve also changed a lot and when I go back to these friends I become the person I once was and I don’t like it.  Interestingly my husband has said that over the last three years I’ve not wanted to go on the weekends away with these girls and I’d stopped reporting that I’d been enjoying them – my best friend echoed the same.  I have changed.  My personality when I’m with my new friends is much different.  I’m more fun, more chilled and generally more like who I want to be.  And I really don’t like becoming the whiney, stroppy girl I was last week.  My herbalist thinks it needed to end in a big bang because I was clinging onto a friendship that wasn’t really going anywhere and that was actually dragging me down.  I think I agree.  Having reflected on the support I’ve had from them since MC number 1 it’s been pretty poor.  So for what purpose do I need to keep trying?

Whilst this was happening I put up a forum post about it on a recurrent miscarriage forum and someone contacted me and asked if I’d like to meet up.  It turns out we live in the same area and so we had coffee & cake on Saturday (don’t tell my herbalist!)  – and she’s so lovely!  So, while the door has definitely closed on the three girls from last weekend, this weekend saw a brand new door open.

I’ve also contacted some girls I’ve made tentative friendships with over the last six months and invited them out for dinner.  I have friend-dates lined up every day for the next two weeks :).  I am getting a new life for myself, and I should probably be grateful for the disastrous events of last weekend for giving me the kick I needed.

My herbalist also pointed out that when I was just following her advice my cycles were perfect: 28 days long, ovulation on Day 14, no mid-cycle bleeds.  Now I bleed just about every day, my cycles are getting shorter and my period lasts for less than a day.  She blames the chemicals (she would!).  But she makes a good point.  So for now because we’re just waiting for IVF anyway I’ve gone back to her regime.  I’ve stopped the Cyclogest and the steroids and have picked the diet back up again (almost).

Time to get back to being the new me!

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