I had hoped that I would have some good news to share. June was the month that I was going to do my first proper ICSI cycle, regardless of how many follicles I had. I decided I had become a real negative drain and so throughout May I switched my attention to becoming the life and soul of the party – not something I am known for! I relaxed, I laughed, I drank gin and ate gluten and … I fell pregnant. Cycle on hold.
This time I passed through weeks four and five with no bleeding. I managed my stress through hypnosis and I was pretty chilled – for me! I had a HCG test which was “sky high”. Last week I had a scan and measured exactly where I should be: 6 weeks and 5 days with a healthy looking heartbeat. My consultant described it as “textbook”. Phew! They even gave us a photo. We’ve never had a photo before – even the sonographer became tearful at that point.
And then three days later I began to bleed. Brown mucus at first, but today it’s progressed to red fluid. My boobs were a bit sore until Monday – they’re not any more. I felt a bit sick last week – I don’t any more.
I have another scan tomorrow and I’m desperate to hear that the embryo is doing well but my past experiences really don’t give me much hope. I feel so responsible for this. My body is failing us again. I have worked so hard over the last three years to have a healthy baby but I fall down every time I try. And I’m not sure how many more times I can get myself back up.