Falling down

I had hoped that I would have some good news to share.  June was the month that I was going to do my first proper ICSI cycle, regardless of how many follicles I had.  I decided I had become a real negative drain and so throughout May I switched my attention to becoming the life and soul of the party – not something I am known for!  I relaxed, I laughed, I drank gin and ate gluten and … I fell pregnant.  Cycle on hold.

This time I passed through weeks four and five with no bleeding.  I managed my stress through hypnosis and I was pretty chilled – for me!  I had a HCG test which was “sky high”.  Last week I had a scan and measured exactly where I should be: 6 weeks and 5 days with a healthy looking heartbeat.  My consultant described it as “textbook”.  Phew!  They even gave us a photo.  We’ve never had a photo before – even the sonographer became tearful at that point.

And then three days later I began to bleed.  Brown mucus at first, but today it’s progressed to red fluid.  My boobs were a bit sore until Monday – they’re not any more.  I felt a bit sick last week – I don’t any more.

I have another scan tomorrow and I’m desperate to hear that the embryo is doing well but my past experiences really don’t give me much hope.  I feel so responsible for this.  My body is failing us again.  I have worked so hard over the last three years to have a healthy baby but I fall down every time I try. And I’m not sure how many more times I can get myself back up.


11 thoughts on “Falling down”

  1. Hang in there. I had bleeding at nearly 7 weeks, fair amount too, but was ok. Im on clexane and my clinic told me that since they upped the dose they’ve had more women bleeding. It definitely makes the bleed look worse. I’ve also had friends bleed (one a lot) and were ok. Symptoms can come and go but I understand how stressful that is. It’s been causing me concern. I feel for you, such a scary time. Hoping for positive news. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I think the Clexane really might have contributed, plus apparently I’m a little vigorous with the pessaries as I’ve been inserting them too deep. That can irritate the cervix & make it bleed apparently. Xx


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