A litle relief …

The scan went well. After warning the sonographer about my history – and my week! – she whipped the screen away from me before inserting the dildo-cam and asked me to give her time to look first.  But almost straight away she turned it back and showed me a much larger looking embryo than last week with a “perfect” heartbeat.  It’s measuring 8 weeks exactly so it’s had a bit of a growth spurt and is 2 days ahead.  It even wiggled its bottom during the scan – the sonographer videoed it for us!

They couldn’t locate the cause of the bleeding. They suggested that it could have been a result of me pushing the pessaries in way too far. Apparently that can cause the cervix to bleed, in addition to being on Clexane & Aspirin which hadn’t occurred to me as a possible cause.

Anyone that reads my blog regularly will know that I err on the side of pessimism and on the rare occasions I have embraced the positive it’s blown up spectacularly in my face, so for now I can’t yet allow myself to become anything other than neutral about this.  I am so relieved that my scan was positive but unless I can be attached to the dildo-cam for the next seven months I cannot be sure that it’s still fine now.  This is because with my first pregnancy I had a great scan at 8 weeks 2 days and the embryo died the next day.  So I still go to the toilet with fear and trepidation, I am still worried about every twinge and I still fear a disaster around the corner.  But I am hopeful that these feelings might begin to subside one day, hopefully if this pregnancy progresses successfully.

Thanks for the positive comments and thoughts.  I’ll take all the positivity I can get right now!

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12 thoughts on “A litle relief …”

  1. This is lovely to hear from you. I feel for you over the next few months especially. I know first hand how you are going to be especially if appointments aren’t close together enough. I am living proof that miracles can happen though. Our rainbow baby will be here in two weeks time (induction and/or c section so I know for sure).
    Remember not to surpress your feelings and I’m pretty sure all your followers will be here for you if you need us x

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  2. Great news! I understand your concerns and you will be cautious for a while but with each scan that goes by it should get a teeny but better. I’m still very nervous and have good and bad days. When you’ve suffered losses before it makes it very hard to relax. But try not to let the pessimism overwhelm. I’d also like to
    be attached to a permanent cam (though a belly one rather than a dildo one!) but I’m settling for a scan a week – it’s the only way I can keep vaguely sane. X

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  3. Thank goodness! I’m so relieved for you. It’s totally understandable that you only feel a little relief and you’re still nervous about every other day where you don’t have that reassurance. Think of everything you’ve been through. I hope everything continues to go well and that it gets a little bit easier with each passing day/appointment.

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  4. I have everything crossed for you! I had a big bleed at the start of this pregnancy and was convinced it was all over…but it cleared up and there was the tenacious little embryo, heart beating away! I think it wasn’t until I passed 21 weeks that I finally started to relax a little…even at 36 weeks now I still can’t help myself from checking the tissue after wiping. Heck, I only started buying baby stuff a couple of weeks ago…so paranoid. Will be thinking lots of positive thoughts for you, take it a day, a week at a time 🙂 xxx

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    1. Thank you! I am literally going on an hour by hour basis! That’s a lot of hours to get through if this pregnancy is successful eh! I can’t wait for an update when your little one arrives. I am always reassured by the positive stories 😊

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