I cannot believe it’s been so long since I last posted a blog. Apologies for not posting.  I haven’t wanted to tempt fate by putting too many updates onto here but I still love reading other people’s blogs and felt that I really ought to put something down in writing about the past few months.

I’m now almost twenty-one weeks pregnant which is a milestone I have never come anywhere near to acheiving before.  I’m still struggling to believe it quite.  I’ve had a myriad of scans, mostly private (already this baby has cost us just over £1000 in scans alone!).  Now that my midwife can check the heartbeat for me however I have stopped paying for scans – I’ve absolutely loved seeing he/she grow over the weeks but really I only need to know that it’s alive.

From my gynae’s perspective my big hurdle was the ten week scan with a Harmony test that checks for Down’s, Patau’s & Edwards syndromes.  He’s based in a private IVF clinic that doesn’t really deal with recurrent miscarriages (despite this being his NHS specialism) so his team, although used to highly strung women, is not used to the level of anxiety that I carry around with me.  Upon refusing to pay for the Harmony test until I had seen for myself that the baby was alive the receptionist asked if it was likely to have died.  My response?  “Of course! It’s highly likely!” to which she replied that it had never happened there so she didn’t know what to do.  Finally she agreed to let me pay after the scan and I sheepishly shuffled out thirty minutes later with my credit card in hand and a very happy smile.

So far everything seems to be okay.  The Harmony test revealed we were in the lowest risk category and the anomaly scan showed that the baby has grown within the range of normal with no obvious concerns.  He/she seemed pretty reluctant to roll so we have to go back in two weeks for another scan to photograph the spine.  The sonographer did a lot of prodding and sent us for a walk.  When we returned the baby had put its legs right over its head yoga style and was not to be tempted to turn!  She seemed to think she’d seen enough to say the spine looks fine but she still needs a photo.  Another chance to see the baby is always fine by me!  Interestingly she started the scan by using the pronoun his instead of its when pointing out features.  Once she asked us if we wanted to know the gender and we said “no” she changed to it.  I’m not convinced that this means she slipped up.  She would have had to have determined the gender straightaway & I’m not sure its that easy to see so I’m hoping it’s a generic use of the term as it’s better than it.

One thing that has been worrying me though is the possibility of cervical incompetence.  This is mainly because one of the girls on the forum has just lost her baby at 22 weeks from this and as someone who had two D&Cs within nine months I am at a higher risk for this.  I’ve also been having bleeding after intercourse which had been worrying me a little although it always stopped immediately, plus some feelings of pressure down there as though the baby is about to fall out at any minute!  I managed to push for an urgent examination which was yesterday and was discovered that my cervix is a good length – phew! – but that it is ectropian which basically means I have soft skin cells on the outside of my cervix (like we have inside our cheeks) and they’re meant to be tough like the skin on our outer body.  So any kind of messing about down there (i.e. sex!) is likely to cause bleeding.  It’s caused by hormones so you can get it while you’re on the pill or whilst pregnant but its totally harmless.

Baby is starting to move around which is lovely and hopefully this will start to soothe my nerves once he/she gets into a regular pattern.  At the moment it’s hit and miss but I’m hoping this is because it’s still early days movement-wise.  Plus I have an awesome midwife who has a similar history to me so she’s offered to see me weekly because she gets why I’ve been so nervous.

So all is good right now.  I haven’t forgotten those who are still struggling though and I’ve been as careful as I can to be sensitive to their needs.  At my 12 week scan I was scanned immediately after a couple who had clearly been given bad news.  This happened again at my fifteen week scan too.  And I couldn’t help but feel their pain because it’s still very real to me, despite my current position of abundance.  I don’t know that I’ll ever forget the pain of miscarriage.  I still think we need to talk about infertility and miscarriage more and I’ve been pretty open about my history to anyone who asks about the pregnancy.  I do intend to do more – Tommy’s has some awesome fundraising events to raise awareness so I think I’ll pursue that in the future.

Anyway, that’s enough for now  🙂